MEDIA CENTRE - Off The Wall

Phil’s Travels – Nottingham, England (09.25)

Phil’s Travels – Nottingham, England (09.25)

It was time to say goodbye again for another year to our darling daughter. As she was heading north to a house rather than a dorm, she had accumulated a mountain of stuff. To be fair, she did warn me and told me to hire a ‘BIG’ car. I hired the biggest SUV available at our local car hire company. There were more expensive cars, but a Merc or a BMW didn’t have boots big enough.

On the day, Milady’s Rolls Royce turned out to be a Volvo XC60. I have always liked the look of the XC40 and it could even be a genuine candidate for future ownership, so I was looking forward to driving its bigger brother.

Major disappointment. The interior was dark and sinister. Not my style but forgivable. The only colourful/fun element was the crystal gear knob. Not my style either but ok. The controls were PhD level. The Tesla-style panel was not easy to navigate but I guess one could get used to it given a few years. The electric dashboard kept switching from black to white (no idea why). The speedometer projected on the windscreen was handy but the complex arrangement on the top of the dashboard reflected badly on the glass and made it difficult to read the road ahead. Maybe something that one gets used to. It had a disturbing habit of buzzing and rising and falling repeatedly when parked and switched off – like a big, old dog trying to find a comfy position for a snooze.

To be fair, the boot was quite big. But not big enough for Milady’s purposes. We had to load up one the rear passenger seats and its footwell and more stuff on and around my wonderful wife in the front passenger seat. It was chocka.

All of the above were Volvo design issues and things that may change my mind re possible ownership of an XC40. However, the biggest disappointment was the state of Milady’s Rolls Royce. Rolls would have been embarrassed had it been a Rolls. It was filthy inside and out. The upholstery was light grey and covered in extremely questionable stains (coffee, Ribena, sweat and other bodily fluids perhaps, blood maybe). The outside had more bird poo than a zoo.

Still, the XC60 did get us to Nottingham and back. The engine was magnificent! The parking assist tech was amazing. Somehow an areal image of the car came up on the Tesla screen and I could see everything around the car and my trajectory. Nearby cars appeared to be three-stories high and I have no idea how it worked. It even worked in an underground car park.

Final nail in the Volvo’s coffin – the driver’s seat was super uncomfortable and my legs ached there and back. A day later I had a major sciatica episode, lasting a few days.

In Nottingham, the city was busy. Lots of elders and youngsters (like us) in the supermarkets purchasing provisions for our fledglings (of all the supermarkets we visited, only Coop had any locally brewed beers). At the house, we unloaded quickly and surprisingly all of Milady’s stuff fitted into her room (aside from the Monsters Inc resting pillow, which came back to London and was to be replaced anyway). The house was comfy looking enough and the ladies of the house were looking forward to their residence. Not sure what they will do with the low-maintenance garden. Garden? More like a gravel pit (photo below).

Rather than drive back same day, my wonderful wife and I overnighted at Hart’s Hotel. It was fully booked for dinner and so we explored nearby for a good Indian. There were three Indians back-to-back within a five-minute walk (maybe they served from the same kitchen?). Two were full already (Nottingham was busy). The third, Mem Saab, was great. Good food, good service (even Mem Saab came to our table to check if all ok) and friendly/helpful staff that was willing to play my game. We had a lovely evening a deux.

On the Sunday, we ensured Milady was fully settled and drove her Roller back to London. I returned the XC60 on Monday morning and it was instantly relet to another customer. I was hardly out of the driving seat and the next guy was in there on my butt-warmed seat. No wonder the maintenance of it was so poor. Like many commercial jets, it does not get a break and the time between journeys is too short to clean up properly. Maybe it was literally the only ‘BIG’ car in the company. I suppose I will find out come July when Milady will call for James and her Rolls Royce yet again.