MEDIA CENTRE - Off The Wall

Phil’s Travels – Berlin, Germany (03.25)

Phil’s Travels – Berlin, Germany (03.25)

I was at my front door before my taxi ride in the not so dead of night (lots of twittering coming from the trees around us, even in the darkness of 04.45). My ride was a fancy new EQ Merc driven by a pocket-sized, super polite, very helpful lady. Within its luxurious interior I was enshrouded in blue lights on every surface. All very futuristic but surely constituting an unnecessary amount of power consumption. Surely the point of an EQ is to be highly ESG sensitive, or did I miss something?

My driver was very slow off the mark in her huge Merc (she looked like a miniature doll in an old school perambulator) and seemed to struggle with her satnav for the first 15 minutes. Eventually, she settled down and put her petite footie to the metal and a pocket rocket emerged. However, even with the tech (including a Tesla style ipad dashboard) and the smooth power, it took us over 1 hour and 15 minutes to reach Gatwick North, whereby the slow start and ponderous finish (55mph on the M23, come on!) resulted in the longest journey-time I can recall for this airport run.

The timid finale to my ride put me at some risk of a pressured boarding. In the end, however, North Terminal was quiet at 06.00 and the screens showed our flight was delayed by 47 minutes. Maybe, after all, the Merc tech knew all along.

Auto-luggage check-in was quick. Boarding Pass scanners gave me a hard time though, “Seek Assistance”. I sought assistance and my assistance guided me to a side gate for access. I asked why the special treatment and the assistance said, “Oh, easyJet are buggering up again”. Very cryptic but at least I was in. Security was quick, with the new all-scanners (no need to remove liquids, laptops, etc). I was on the concourse in no time and watched the screens as our delay fell to 27 minutes.

Boarding was slow as easyJet must have gotten greedy (aka ‘buggering up’?). They had accepted so many Speedy Boarding bookings that most of the boarders were Speedy and all were armed with pull-alongs. As a result, the overhead cabins were jammed and it took for ever for everyone to settle in. We took off after 09.00 and landed some 40 minutes late.

I left a London that had been bathing in spring sunshine for many days previously (may even have been our summer). Our approach into Berlin revealed a much less uplifting panorama. It was shrouded in grey wintery cloud. The ground had been scorched of colour (faded grass and leafless trees) and the buildings soulless and dull in the penumbra of a German spring. Berlin was washed of all luminosity.

Passport control was quick enough but the S9 train into town was on a serious go-slow. So slow in fact, that I had to get off the train at Ostbahnhof to conduct a conference call whilst sat on the platform. The S5 finally got me to Zoo and my hotel was within a few steps.

My room was not as good as the same brand on Uranus. The ultimate fat cutting brand had trimmed even further in this newer iteration – no desk, no hidden wardrobe behind the bed, no shelving, no windowsill, no stool. But the window was floor to ceiling giving the offices opposite a full view of me and my stuff. The grand histoire du jour was the conviction of Marine Le Pen for funding funny business, meaning she will not be able to run in 2027. Sacre bleu, could Macron win again?

Motel One is an economy hotel brand, meaning small rooms and limited amenities. Such hotels are normally built on cheaper land and not on prime sites. However, this property’s neighbour, right across the street, was a Waldorf-Astoria. The Waldorf-Astoria brand is Hilton’s top luxury hotel brand. Tip of the pyramid. It was like finding a Travelodge next to The Ritz. Land values in Berlin must be very confused. Not only that, but the roof terrace of the Motel One (10^th floor) was even higher than the Waldorf’s (6^th floor). Can you tell which hotel is which from the photo below?

My days were filled with conference calls, meetings and events around town. Our own sausage and beer dinner was revived by popular demand after a six-year absence and well received. Good turnout, good crowd, good food, good beer, good venue and great co-hosts (many thanks Purcell team). See you all next year.

With regard to the conference itself. The mood music delegates were reporting to me included:

• Major concerns re Trump.
• Concerns re economies, particularly re sticky inflation and interest rates.
• Lots of talk around deals and developments but limited real action.
• Banks busy, but mostly with refinancing, not acquisitions or development.
• Lower number of delegates (€4.5k fee and €6 for a coffee may partly explain).
• Putin was only person to make Trump be humble (according to a seasoned former BBC journalist).

Spring sprang on the Tuesday in Berlin and I left a city resplendent in British-style spring sunshine. Maybe someone can explain this for me: why is the S-Bahn pricing so unfair? Four stops cost €3.80 (v £2.90 on the London Underground Zone 1) and a journey all the way to the end of the line and to BER Airport is only €4.50 (v £24.20 on the Gatwick Express). Maybe it is something to do with those wonky Berlin land values.

BER was not busy, but security was still painfully slow and as laborious as ever. Nothing learnt or improved over the last few years. In essence, a continuation of its own very delayed birth. The key problem it seemed to me, was that only one passenger is processed at a time. Other big airports process 3-4 simultaneously. Thus 3-4 times quicker than German efficiency. Could land values be affecting here too?

Airside and past passport control, BER has poor F&B options and no WIFI. I had to make a couple of conference calls via my phone instead. Flight back was on time and Gatwick a pleasure of efficiency after BER. So much so, I was home in time for dinner and the second half of a successful Merseyside derby. Tomorrow I will go look for that Travelodge with roof terrace in Mayfair.